The strange case

This is a strange case. I have a dear friend who emigrated to Australia, lots of people emigrate to Australia and I am really not sure why. Clearly the Neighbours effect has a lot to do with it, such babes as Jane, Annalise, Beth and Felicity (as well as the obvious Kylie) being big factors for the boys whilst the girls are attracted to this bleak red desert by stud muffins such as Mike and Henry.

Beth....

Jane.....

Annalise...

And of course Felicity.....And for the ladies, Henry...

And Mike...As I am sure you will agree, the Neighbours effect results in significantly more men than women volunteering to pop to the other side of the world (many, having seen the pictures above would crawl there using only their tongues as propulsion given half a chance). To me of more significance is the amount of deadly wildlife species that lurk over there, if the crocs, jellyfish and sharks don't get you then the funnel webs (at least 40 species of) and snakes (over a hundred known venomous snakes) surely will.....even the famous and apparently harmless and comedic Duckbilled platypus has a hideous dark side...

The Pus.............

Platypus can defend themselves using a hollow claw like spur attached to their back feet which they use to inject platypus poison,( yes I know! Platypus poison!). The effect of this poison on humans has been documented a only few times in history (it should be noted that rumours exist that Dwarfs have a similar spur, although it is not thought that they produce poison).

The Spur...

There are at least 25 elements in platypus venom. When the poison enters a victim, one protein in it causes blood to flow to the area of the sting, acid in the venom causes a burning sensation, another protein lowers blood pressure, causing shock and fainting, and certain components dissolve tissues and blood vessels, allowing poison to spread more rapidly. The strongest element of the poison works directly on the receptors to nerves that register pain (basically makes all the pain receptors sing like pavarotti), for this reason, Morphine has almost no effect. In one case of a man being stung on the hand, the Doctor involved was forced to purposely damage the main nerve running through the arm using a large needle in the elbow to ease the pain!

For a really good dit on the threat posed by nature in Oz pop along to here

Anyway, my mate (lets call him G) went to Oz. Now, I am convinced, or was until this weekend that the following thing happened to him, however, he completely denies it ever happening, so this could be a strange case of me imagining a episode in somebody else's life which never actually happened..

Driving along a desert road in his 4x4 (work issue - rugged and dusty), G noticed that the evening was developing a stunning sunset.

Now my mate G loves a sunset more than most, following him once in a car on the M4 I was amazed to see his vehicle suddenly start to drift slowly across the three lanes of traffic, this worried me, had he died? I then noticed stage left a really pretty sunset and realised G was watching this rather than the road....this was confirmed when G suddenly 'came to' and took control of his car averting possible disaster.

So G, being a romantic soul at heart and having a bit of time, decided to stop and enjoy the spectacle. Pulling over to the side of the road, he clambered (after checking for death dealing wildlife) on top of his vehicle and lay there to watch the show.

Now, Australians are known to be a reasonable practical down to earth lot (I suspect a fair few of the original bunch of criminals hailed from Yorkshire) and are not given to flights of fancy like my mate G. Pretty soon another vehicle came along the road, the driver saw the vehicle pulled up alongside and as is the protocol in the outback in Oz assumed a 'breakdown situation' had occurred (which can be fatal in the outback, dehydration and Kangaroo attacj the main causes of death), and pulled up to offer assistance. A short exchange followed between G and the good Samaritan during which G explained what he was doing, at the end of the exchange the Good Samaritan (clearly feeling duped) roared away from the scene with the words "you stupid Pommie bastard"

And apparently this never happened! I have 'spun' this dit many times over the past few years and it has always been well received. I have three choices in this strange case, let the dit die, change the name of the hero and continue to tell it as an urban legend, or I can decide that the sort of flake who pulls off the road in a heavily Platypus invested country to watch the sun go down is probably lucky if he can remember what he had for breakfast in the morning let alone details from several years ago and carry on spinning the dit as before....