The Wastes of Yorkshire

I do not know too much about the north, its cold and full of pragmatic types who still wear caps and race pigeons. For this reason when faced today with a trip across two northern counties (The peoples rebublik of south Yorkshire and north Yorkshire I think) I decided to arm myself with a print out form Google maps, what I did not account for was the google map program being written by a monkey.

The monkey I think was responsible for my extended trip......
(yes he is quite cute, but he has no business advising me road travel)




I am attending a course at a swanky government college, unaware of the credit crunch or indeed off cuts in spending, this place is cheerfully situated in a 'finchley park' esque old manor house to the north of York, complete with landscaped gardens, cosy wood panelled rooms and unnecessary but well appreciated expense and luxury..the sort of place you imagine we British have everywhere...stern receptionist and a union flag flying above an ornamental flowerbed, these places are an endangered species as anyone (stand fast the MET) will tell you. To imagine it better imagine the polar opposite of the DVLA center in Newport...


Anyway, I flew into Leeds-Bradford airport (make a bloody choice) from Plymouth airport (note, not Plymouth -Exeter or Plymouth-Saltash), this I confess could be seen as an extravagance and perhaps on reflection I should have toiled up the country on a train but seeing as I have only had 17 flights this year, bike to work and planted four tomato plants in the summer (all died - no sun) I think I am pretty far ahead when it comes to carbon capture......

So, now up north in my nifty performing rental ford fiesta off I set...google.....google....it is pointless listing a roads name on the directions when the road in question does not have any bloody signs on it...multi map give you towns to head to, not google, a 38 mile journey took me over 2 hours..I was threaders...suddenly I was in the midst of the desolate (although quite charming) Yorkshire countryside on unnamed roads..lost. I had to ask a Yorkshire man..sadly he reacted to my southern accent as I imagined his Dad would have reacted to me if I had shouted 'Gott in Himmel!" at him whilst I packed away my parachute having just arrived from Saxony in invasion force 5 during the last war by last war I mean Vs the Germans - a proper foe)...

With a Yorkshire flea in my ear for being unprepared I had to back track all the way back to the last major road mentioned by the google monkey and go the long way round using major arterial roads rather than the pokey lanes suggested by monkey boy.

Still, they have a bar here and a roaring fire......