Dwarfs are no laughing matter

I have some knowledge of Dwarfs, I had not thought to share it with you but the following story has highlighted the need for public awareness...

It is taken from the grapevine columns of the Pattaya Mail which state:


Freak accident: A circus dwarf, nicknamed Od, died recently in the North when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus which was waiting to appear in the next act. Vets on the scene said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex which automatically caused her to swallow. They added in mitigation that the hefty creature was a vegetarian who had not previously digested a circus performer. Unfortunately, the 1000 plus spectators continued to applaud wildly until common sense dictated there had been a tragic mistake. Police said the trampoline has been sent for forensic analysis.


Dwarfs as everybody knows are always getting into 'scrapes' and as a result it is always wise to know whether you have any in your vicinity at any particular time...one of the big problems when gathering information on dwarfs is how to tell them apart from the other little folk such as Midgets and large headed children.


I have a solution, the trick to this is understanding a key difference between dwarfs and other folk, namely, that a Dwarf's knees will not bend when he runs. So what? Well, if you have ever seen dwarf moving at speed (see the film Willow for a classic example) you can clearly see a distinctive rolling gait is created by this lack of knee joint mobility....


This gait subsequently causes the head to bob which can be spotted a mile away by a trained observer...


The next question is how to use this knowledge to identify dwarfs for onward processing...the best way I have found (and this method is particular good in a crowd situation where dwarfs are 'free running') is to use french bangers.

A couple of these babies let off at ground level will panic the dwarfs causing them to flee, effectively flushing them out - at this point they can easily be spotted and subsequently netted.


Note: I do of course refer to fictional dwarfs such as the ones found in Disney and LOTR, small people with large heads should not be offended by this piece, because this is no laughing matter.


A dwarf woman showing classic knee non-mobility....