WARNING - An unexpected Evolution

I have been involved in an unexpected and totally undesirable evolution...whilst I was not strictly the subject of the evolution I did play a small although vital part. This afternoon, following an agreeable night quaffing fine ales and dodgy wine as well as an assortment of Iceland (the old Bejam not the new basket case) sourced party foods, I was forced finally to face the little boys room. Now, having not consumed any really spicy numbers and broadly steered clear of Asian feasts, I was understandably nervous but reasonably confident of a successful bowel clearing trip.

Not a biologist by trade, I am only loosely aware of the principles set down by Darwin in his famous book and therefore tentative when I suggest that what happened to me was wholly wrong and 'against nature'. It is (It was!) my firm belief that objects leaving ones body should not under any circumstance attempt to independently leave the toilet bowl after what I can only describe as a struggle...

Imagine my further shock when this 'creature' (I will not call it my child), to the soundtrack of my cries of 'ALARM ALARM!', then crashed its way out of the bathroom through an open window, and faulted over the garden fence, sickening a worried looking squirrel in the process... (the squirrel still has not moved)

If you or your kin are currently in the Hampshire area of the UK, can I recommend locking your windows, shutting your doors and not approaching anything that even remotely resembles a fast moving mud-caked hedgehog..it was heading toward the sea and one can only hope it finds peace out there in the embrace of deep before it breeds....

Both myself and the creature displayed classic signs of panic throughout the incident. I would have soiled myself but given the circumstances this may have been really unhelpful.

This hole incident I have classified as a 'Shocker'.